It's Not Christmas Without You
by Misplaced Matches
Summary: Two Part fic: Young Loki is confined to his room for a month for cutting off Sif and Fandal's hair. Older Loki is confined for killing thousands of people in New York. Family knows that some things never change. "Loki is very good at saying things he does not mean." Frigga said. "I don't think you should worry about that."
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **This is a two part fic. The first part takes place in the past. Loki is around 12-13, a little younger than this Thor. The second part is the same scenario many years later when Loki is in his cell in TDW. This is my first time writing something like this- I just had the idea this morning and decided to run with it. I would love any reviews or commentary. Part two should be done and up in a few days. Enjoy :)

* * *

**Part One**

"Loki Odinsson, you are not to leave this room!" Odin ordered, his face flushed with frustration. Loki scrunched up his face and slammed the door to his chambers. He threw his chair against the door. The legs splintered against the frame. "That's another week to the month, Loki!"

_Auuughh_, he was never going to get out of here!That stupid git Fandral and his sniveling girlfriend Sif had deserved it. They deserved to have their hair cut off- if not for taunting him this time, for one of their other offenses.

_ Weak_, they'd said. _Tiny._ So he'd sneaked into their rooms when it was mid-night, Sif's first, and sliced their hair from its roots. Let _them_ look the fools.

All of this had worked out just _swell,_ he thought bitterly. Now he was stuck in his book-cluttered room for a month and a week.

What was more was that Thor was disgusted with him; he _always_ took his friends' sides. If Loki had done it, for whatever reason he might've been able to explain (or concoct,) he was somehow wrong. Stupid Thor.

_Well, having Thor here might be better than nothing._ He thought. _Maybe._

Loki curled into a ball and drew his olive green curtains around his fourposter bed. He clutched his arms close to his chest and squeezed his eyes closed.

Loki turned off the lights with a wave of his hand and resigned himself to crying.

* * *

Frigga had just finished wrapping the presents for her boys. Thor was getting a new set of armor, Loki a pile of books that would last any reasonable person a weeks.

It was quiet, she realized. Eerily quiet in the light of the fact that Christmas Eve was usually riotous with Loki and Thor's playing.

Odin was sitting silently by the fire in their chambers.

"It's not the same without him." Frigga said with a sad smile.

"Some things are more serious than Christmas." Odin replied, avoiding her by staying fixated on the fireplace. He sighed in a heavy exhale as if he'd been holding it in for a long time. "Loki bends enough rules without our help. He's only been there for a couple of days, Frigga."

She shook her head.

"Have you seen Thor?" Frigga asked.

"Not since breakfast." Odin said.

Frigga stood, placing a hand on his shoulder and a kiss on his cheek.

* * *

Thor was in a foul mood. Fandral was off with his family, Sif with a pointless number of healers, Hogunn in his home realm and Volstagg gorging himself on roast beast. And there he was, sitting at an empty banquet table, his brother having gotten himself into trouble with Sif. He'd actually gotten caught, which probably meant he'd done a sloppy job.

_Kind of unlike him_, Thor thought. Loki was meticulous and careful, diplomatic and calculating. Loki must have been too upset to really think his pranks through.

"Pranks, bah." Thor grumbled. Loki had sliced off Sif's golden hair- that was cruel. But he knew his brother was never entirely without reason. Sif and Fandral were not particularly kind to Loki.

_He still should not have done that, though._ Thor thought.

"Thor!" Frigga called. At last, _someone_!

"Yes mother, I'm here!" He called back, practically jumping from his seat.

"I wondered where I would find you. No one should have to be alone on Christmas eve." Thor gave her a hug- by the gods, he was getting strong- and then her face turned serious.

Thor turned his head slightly, uncertain of what had caused this change in demeanor. Had he done something wrong? Was father hurt?

"Thor, I was thinking that we should visit your brother." she said gently.

"M-mother, I..." Thor stammered and his lips thinned. "I don't know." he said as though confessing something. "What about Sif? And Fandral?"

"I know, Thor." Frigga's eyes were soft. A mother's eyes, Thor would later remember. A mother's heart. "Will you come with me?"

Thor looked at the floor and kicked at nothing at all.

"It's Christmas." Frigga added. "This is your brother. We can't spend your 14th Noel without him, even if only for a few minutes."

Thor sniffed, his eyes pleading. "Will he want to see us? What if he tells us to leave?"

"Loki is very good at saying things he does not mean." Frigga said. Thor nodded, knowing exactly what she meant. Hoping. "I don't think you should worry about that."

"It's not the same without him." Thor started suddenly. "N-not tonight, I mean. Not really."

"No," Frigga said, her voice hushed. "Will you come see him tonight?"

"It would not be Christmas if I did not."

* * *

Thor knocked on Loki's door. It shimmered with magic, no doubt meant to keep him in.

"Loki?" Frigga said. "It's Thor and I."

They waited for a reply for a moment too long.

_Loki's sleeping,_ Thor thought. _Or ignoring us._

Frigga's lip trembled and she started to turn away. Thor clenched his hand beside him.

He opened the door and peeked in. It was entirely dark and he couldn't hear Loki's soft snores.

"Loki?" Thor ventured. He flicked on the lights. Loki's canopy was drawn around his bed. He took a set of timid steps forward and reached for the fabric.

Something didn't feel right.

Thor stopped dead. Would Loki hate him for intruding? Would he arraign him until he left? Was he even there or was he lurking to pull some new trick on him, now that Thor had wandered into his lair? Thor's lips quirked into a smile at the last thought; he _did_ enjoy some of the pranks. Loki wasn't mean spirited, rarely if at all.

Thor turned to Frigga. She gave him a gentle smile, one that filled him with fresh warmth. He slid the curtain aside.

Loki was balled up under his velvet blanket with only a tuft of his hair sticking out on his pillows. He didn't move when Thor peered at him, nor when Frigga's weight joined him on the bed. She laid a hand on his head and stroked his hair down to his neck.

"Merry Christmas, my sweet Loki." she murmured, her voice a gentle chime. Loki shook with a muted sob that made Thor shiver. Frigga leaned in to Loki. "I have a present for you."

Loki pulled the blanket close to him, outlining his wiry frame.

"Please, brother." Thor tried. He put a hand on what he thought was his brother's arm. "I miss you." Thor swallowed. "And it's not the same without you."

Loki peeked at him with a pair of red-rimmed green eyes. A tear fled from one of them, then vanished beneath the velvet. Frigga laid down on the bed and put an arm around Loki's chest to draw him near.

Loki let himself be pulled in by her. She untangled her other hand from his hair and brushed stray pieces of it from his face. His eyes were glistening, saturated with an emotion that Thor couldn't place.

"It's okay." she whispered. Loki closed his eyes, displacing his tears to his lashes.

Thor leaned in on the other side of him, catching Loki between the warmth of the two of them.

"Merry Christmas." Thor said, a faint smile on his lips.

"Merry Christmas, brother."


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

_Frigga is the only reason you are still alive and you will never see her again. You will spend the rest of your days in the dungeons._

There was nothing for him in the dungeons. No one spoke in his proximity. Few came in and out of the cells. There was no tale of any prisoner worth paying mind.

There was nothing here, nothing but lost causes and criminals who had tested their mettle and failed.

And then there was Loki. He did not care to known what they said about him, did not try to hear the names they uttered. They were, all of _them_, beneath him. It was a wrong in itself that he was trapped here like the common criminal of this realm.

Loki's eyes didn't stray from his book as new set of prisoners was led in.

"Odin continues to bring me new friends. How thoughtful."

One of the guards turned at the sound and Loki's lips split into a lethal smile. The guard spent a moment scrutinizing him. They were still wary of him.

Good. They should be.

More worthless, common criminals with as much intellect as bilgesnipe. They were nothing like him.

He was _Loki_, Loki of-

Loki of-

A hand touched his shoulder. It was familiar, the only one he'd felt since Odin had thrown him down here.

Frigga.

"Loki." She said with what looked like the best smile she could manage. She gave the cell a once-over: books were piled into the corners and a chair on its side. Her brow creased; this disarray was unlike him.

"The books I sent, do they not interest you?" Loki pulled away from her stiffly.

"Is that how I'm to wile away eternity, reading?" He snapped.

"I've done everything in my power to make you comfortable, Loki." she said, pursing her lips.

How she fretted for him down here, worried over him like a child. What right did she have to that after letting Odin condemn him?

"Have you?" He bit back. "Does Odin share your concern? Does Thor? It must be so inconvenient, them asking after me day and night."

"You know full well that it was your actions that got you here." Frigga looked more guarded now, as if there was fear to have in his presence. It looked wrong on her features.

"My actions? I was merely giving truth to the lie that I've been fed my entire life. That I was born to be a king."

"A king? A true king admits his faults. What of the lives you took on earth?"

"Your father-"

How _dare _she.

"He's not my father!" he shouted. He would not sign himself to any lies but his own. Frigga's hands shook and her eyes were wide. There was a cold silence between them, like mist looming over water. They breathed it in for a moment.

"Then am I not your mother?"

"You're not."

She smiled at him.

"Always so perceptive about everyone but yourself."

She took a step toward him and extended her hands. Loki moved to touch them, but his fingers passed through her.

He was alone again, just like that.

Thor knocked on Frigga's door.

"Mother? Are you in?"

"Y-yes, Thor. Just a moment."

Thor straightened his cloak.

Frigga opened the door. Her eyes were glazed with that kind of red that people get from being tired or sobbing.

"Are you alright?" Thor said, hugging her gingerly. "You don't look well."

Frigga gave a hard laugh and Thor squeezed her tighter.

"I wanted to ask if you'd go with me to see him."

Frigga stiffened in his arms and crossed her quivering fingers behind his back.

"I don't know if I can bear it." She confessed.

"It's strange, I know. I... Will you come with me?" Thor said. His voice grew husky. "I don't know if I could go by myself."

Frigga wiped her eyes on Thor's cloak, unbeknownst to him.

"It's Christmas, as it once was." Thor added. Frigga's heart thudded in her throat. "Do you not recall?"

"Thor, I... This is quite the dream-" she started, unhooking his arms.

"He is my brother and he..." Thor cleared his throat abruptly. "I have spent one too many Christmases believing Loki was dead."

"And to have him like this?" Frigga said. "He doesn't want me there. Neither of us. He believe us to be his family."

"Then he is either a great fool," Thor said, then added with a grin, "Or a great liar."

"It won't ever be the same, Thor. Loki is a criminal."

"Loki is family. Nothing is the same without him. _Mother._"

Frigga sighed. "No, it's not."

"Then will you come?" Thor asked again. Frigga put a hand on her forehead and closed her eyes.

_A mother's eyes, _Thor realized. _A mother's heart._

"Won't you come with me?"

"Yes." She heaved. "I will."

"You have visitors." A guard barked at Loki.

_Visitors?_ His thoughts echoed with a note of curiosity. He heard a familiar stomp of walk and grit his teeth.

"Loki, it's mother and I." Thor said tentatively.

Loki said nothing. He turned through his book with a blank expression.

"You were right, this was a bad idea." Thor muttered, glancing back to the stairs. Frigga smiled softly.

"Loki?" She called. Thor idled beside her, unsure of himself for once.

Loki swallowed and raised an eyebrow.

"Mother." He said through dry lips. He cast his gaze back down. "Thor."

This was all of the encouragement Thor needed to approach the cell and pass through.

"Merry Christmas, brother."

Loki glanced at Frigga, then closed his eyes before they could betray him.

"Merry Christmas."

* * *

**AN: **And I finally finish my Christmas drabble. I'm a fool, a sentimental fool... :)


End file.
